[	mood	|	sick	]
[	music	|	fingertips - emiliana torrini	]

Fingertips

Before I can open my all to eager eyes
Everything changes from the oceans to the skies
Perpetual emotion sadder place by me
Everything's breathing my air in all of tree

Yet my fingertips
Have a special sound
Yet my fingertips
They go around and round

This comical wisdom
Creeps into my brain
Away of my nerve
And also free of pain

Yet my fingertips
Have a special sound
Yet my fingertips
They go around and round

Pa-pa-pa-ra-raaa-a
Pa-pa-pa-ra-raaa-a

Electrical current
Hallowed be the name 
Live my emotions
And vanish all my shame

Yet my fingertips
Have a special sound
Yet my fingertips
Smell of sodden ground

Before I can open my all to eager eyes (all to eager eyes)
Everything changes from the oceans to the skies

Yet my fingertips
Have a special sound
Yet my fingertips
They go round and round

Pa-pa-pa-ra-raaa-a
Pa-pa-pa-ra-raaa-a

[	mood	|	crazy	]
[	music	|	john parish & polly jean harvey :: city of no sun	]

time for being superficial: i want money!! i already spent way too much money lately! :( must stop buying things!! ;) even if they are reduced!!! it's just that i feel inspiration  and sometimes inspiration leads to a frequent use of the purse..:-/ enough is enough!! ;)

i need i want i will ;)

[	mood	|	thoughtful	]
[	music	|	muse :: recess	]

i hope i will be in a happier mood today. the past two days have been sad, daydreaming puts you in a circle where it's hard to get out of. i wished my dreams wouldn't be that clear. the symbolism in my dreams is already so obvious that i am not sure how to deal with it. every other week i'm in that tunnel of memories, hopes and the final fall into reality. if i wouldn´t know i am not the only one feeling that way, it would be easier. must get out of it.

today will most likely be better since it'll be stressful and challenging again.

Resuscitate
In my sleep
Awake to see
You are never here

But the losing yields
Another year
Facing hopes and fears

I wish
I could believe
There was more
Hopes suffocating
You've kissed my life

And the planes and trains
Are to blame
For tempting us
To refrain
And to cut the chord
Dis every word
Of the truths absurd

I wish
I could believe
There was more
Hopes suffocating
You've kissed my life

...hopes suffocating
...hopes suffocating
...hopes suffocating
And you've kissed my life

MUSE

[	mood	|	sad	]
[	music	|	the couch - alanis	]

how can you just throw words around like grieve and heal and mourn
i feel fine we may not have been born as awake as you were
it was much harder in those days we had paper routes uphill both ways
we went from school to a job to a wife to instant parenthood

i wished things would be easier. i wished i could shut my mouth from time to time, i wished i wouldn't try to change him.

[	mood	|	thoughtful	]
[	music	|	noe venable - i paint mine blue	]

yesterday i found no curses here, NOE VENABLE in my mail box.

that girl is awesome. very fragile voice, wonderful lyrics and already on my top 5 list ;) amazing album. must get her others, too. "paint mine blue" and "the man with the desease" are my fav.s so far but i already love each song. so happy having discovered her. it's a shame that she isn't known here.

main drag, dishrag, highway diner

steam coming up like the underground breathe and grown

i asked "what's down there, spitting up air?"

the locals here act like they know

but i have seen one too many caffeine faces

with a nutrasweet smile size me up and away

to believe what they say

 and i've a reason to stay or else i'd go

reading my fortune in the coffee grounds

it all looked pretty brown

when the one leg limp man first appeared

he was the talk of the town

skin peeling, open hands

steam engline breathing, eyes like a bathtub drain

i saw the signs go up "no vacancies"

he was watching through the rain

i been told i am a bad woman `cause i don´t waste no time

but he's looking at the dime-shine checker floor

like it's too steep to climb

and i always forget to say good-bye

and i never say please

but i won't forget his name it is

the Man With the Desease

and maybe our ears get deeper and deeper

'til a "you ain't worth my boot" won't ever land

and maybe i touch his ice to notice the heat of my own hand

and maybe i been waiting

for someone who is sick like you

and maybe it's catching, and i will get it too

so shadows, won't you take my hands

and lead me through your door and up your stairs

where i will hear his steady whispering and he can hear my prayers

he calls me "katie", must be some girl he knew

keeps saying "go on home, katie" which he knows i'll never do

i still have dreams of places where maybe i come from

a hundred different faces, how can i choose one?

maybe it´s the steam here makes it hard to tell what's true

but if i remember anything i will remember you

if i remember anything, i will remember you

uhm...another coincidence?!

who is who? ;)

;);)

[	mood	|	tired	]
[	music	|	pj harvey - shame	]

1. Alanis / Tori
2. PJ Harvey
3. Ani DiFranco
...

never thought PJ would enter number 2 one day. I am addicted to her for months now. Yesterday I found a brilliant download-site http://room509.net/aplaceofhome/wired/bootography/aural/index.html with current live-recordings and interviews. She seems to be a very nice woman and I love how she talks. :) The live-songs are awesome. Esp. the ones from Uh Huh Her - my fav. album at the moment. I even more appreciate it after some interviews I have heard. "Cat On The Wall" is one of my fav.s right now :)

 heard our song on the radio
It wasn't long before I think of you
Can't get the sound outta my head
Don't look now, it's coming round again

I saved your voice from the telephone
I play it back on the message machine
It really sounds like you're having fun
I'm going out into the midday sun

Come night, I'm gonna step outside
Take a walk, I'm gonna clear my mind
The radio, still playing our song
You got me jumping like a cat on the wall

Turn up the radio

They play the radio in my dreams
Takes me back to when I was 17
Dancing in circles on the kitchen floor
I'll play this song 'til I can't take anymore

I can relate to it so much esp. since my life always went hand in hand with certain songs and some songs just still let me freeze when I  hear them acidentelly on the radio or somewhere else.

I love how she sings, her expression. There's a lot of emotion but also a lot of strength.

[	mood	|	tired	]
[	music	|	Kate Bush - Babooshka	]

Yesterday I saw Kate Bush in a video for the very 1st time (Babooshka) and I was sort of amused and irritated at the same time because she reminded me very intensly of Tori. (Or the other way around ;-). Her hand movements, her face expression....I don't think Tori copied her on purpose, obviously they are that similar?!

Just for fun:

Kate:

Tori:

Kate:

Tori:

Kate:

Tori:

LOL

you and me we're cut from the same cloth
it seems to some we famously get along
but you and me are strangers to each other
cuz you and me:competitive to the bone

such tragedy to trample on each other with how much we've endured
with the state this land is in

you and me feel joined by only gender
we are not all for one and one for all

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in

you and me estranged from the mother
you and me have felt impotent in our skin
you and me have taken it out on each other
you and me disloyal to the feminine

such a pity to disavow each other with how far we've come
with how strong we've been

you and me are on this pendulum together
you and me with scarcity still fueling

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in

we may not have priorities same
we may not even like each other
we may not be hugely anti-men
but such a cost to dishonor a sister

you and me have made it harder for the other
we forget how hard separatism has been
you and me we can help change their minds together
you and me in alignment until the end

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in

yesterday i when i was walking somewhere Sister Blister suddenly appeared in my head and it's been the first time i identified with it. what is it that girls pretend to care but want to be the better at the same time? i guess there are pieces in everyone of us acting that way. too many struggles have been results of that matter, caring but trying not to care too much in case it would be on the cost of oneself. i am sure most of it isn't concious for us but it happens. even best friends have been victims of it. most of all best friends who i´ve been in regular contact with. how many talks about that matter.

then there´s this feeling of belonging to girls although there´s nothing else in common than the gender. how many girls i hated in my life. such an illusion to think that gender gets you closer in some way.

what is it that makes us act that way? struggling against female friends to get the happiness we are longing for. why are we afraid of it? because we don't want to miss any priority we have in their lives. competetive to the bone. how true. fighting against their happiness but pretending to care for it. i´ve felt it on my own skin more than once. fear of staying 2nd place. fear of bliss for the other one. it comes so far that my longest friend even is concious about it but doesn't change it ...because we can't? are we supposed to struggle against each other forever?

a lil something that found its way out of me, inspired by a meeting i had today:

fragile as a butterfly you smile at me

trying to be as brave as you can

a beautiful swan bleeding

his shadow following you

constantly like a freckle coming out

every step you take you struggle

memories guiding you unwillingly

i wished you'd feel my grasp

my desire to crush the hurt

my sudden urg to comfort you

for the first time in my life

your brave smile next to the couple

it could`ve been mine

your pretty eyes full of trouble

i wished i could make them mine

i wished i could make them mine

oh little sister, i hope you didn't feel that way
oh little sister, i'm glad you came, and i said
oh little sister, i hoped you wouldn't feel that way
oh little sister, oh again, and i said
oh little sister, i hope you didn't feel that way
oh little sister, i'm still glad you came, i said
oh little sister, i wish you didn't feel that way, and
oh little sister, said, i'd do the same, do the same
oh little sister, i hoped you wouldn't feel that way
oh, i said, i wish
(tori amos)