faerie

fairy_twinkle @ 2005-08-31T08:03:00

2005-08-31T06:22:37Z

I haven't put a foot into that journal for months now. Hello! It's the simplicity that I need right now, that simple layout, the fact that it feels like stepping into that other not former part of me.
Searching for overlapping.
A year ago I somehow stopped wishing (though not hoping) and now I'm asking myself where I got that ball of courage from. That ball that keeps on rolling around my habits, friends, that twitches me regulary.
It's been easy, it's been undescribed. No adumbrations. Just crumbling memories.
Is it just an exception?
Sometimes I ask myself if I lose parts of myself or if they just get stronger!?
My thoughts always lead to that one conclusion: no other path would have taken away that heavy emotional rock caused by desicions from the past. No other path would've given me back these smiles.

fairy_twinkle @ 2005-02-13T11:44:00

2005-02-13T10:45:50Z

Fingertips

Before I can open my all to eager eyes
Everything changes from the oceans to the skies
Perpetual emotion sadder place by me
Everything's breathing my air in all of tree

Yet my fingertips
Have a special sound
Yet my fingertips
They go around and round

This comical wisdom
Creeps into my brain
Away of my nerve
And also free of pain

Yet my fingertips
Have a special sound
Yet my fingertips
They go around and round

Pa-pa-pa-ra-raaa-a
Pa-pa-pa-ra-raaa-a

Electrical current
Hallowed be the name
Live my emotions
And vanish all my shame

Yet my fingertips
Have a special sound
Yet my fingertips
Smell of sodden ground

Before I can open my all to eager eyes (all to eager eyes)
Everything changes from the oceans to the skies

Yet my fingertips
Have a special sound
Yet my fingertips
They go round and round

Pa-pa-pa-ra-raaa-a
Pa-pa-pa-ra-raaa-a

fairy_twinkle @ 2005-01-31T07:13:00

2005-01-31T06:21:41Z

WHO IS IT

His embrace : a fortress
it fuels me and places
a skeleton of trust
right beneath us
bone by bone
stone by stone

If you ask yourself
patiently
and carefully:
who is it?
who is it?

Who is it - that never lets you down?
Who is it - that gave you back your crown?
and the ornaments are
they're going around
now they're handing it over
they're handing it over
handing it over

Who is it - that never lets you down?
Who is it - that gave you back your crown?
and the ornaments are
they're going around
now -- they're handing it over
handing it over

He demands a closeness
we all have earned a lightness
carry my joy on the left
carry my pain on the right

If you ask yourself
now patiently
and carefully:
who is it?

Who is it - that never lets you down?
Who is it - that gave you back your crown?
and the ornaments are
they're going around
and I'm handing it over
handing it over
handing

Who is it - that never lets you down?
Who is it - that gave you back your crown?
and the ornaments are
they're going around
now I'm handing it over
handing it over

his embrace, a fortress
it fuels me
and places
a skeleton of trust
right beneath us
bone by bone
stone by stone
if you ask yourself patiently and carefully:
who is it?
who is it that never lets you down?
who is it that gave you back your crown?
and the ornaments are going around
now they're handing it over
handing it over
he demands a closeness
we all have earned a lightness
carry my joy on the left
carry my pain on the right

"thank you - i don't think we will meet again"

2004-09-10T18:57:47Z

is life really based on the wheel of fortune? is it possible? sometimes i really wonder. for months now a short meeting isn't leaving my mind and today i met him twice and he even asked me if i would test him... it's like being in the midst of a stupid tv-series. some people just do not leave your mind even without having been in contact with them since school and esp. if they are people like him who already confused you since the early age of 14 ...
maybe it's a good thing to come to peace with it.

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-09-03T17:24:00

2004-09-03T15:30:15Z

time for being superficial: i want money!! i already spent way too much money lately! :( must stop buying things!! ;) even if they are reduced!!! it's just that i feel inspiration and sometimes inspiration leads to a frequent use of the purse..:-/ enough is enough!! ;)

i need i want i will ;)

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-08-31T08:36:00

2004-08-31T06:47:47Z

i hope i will be in a happier mood today. the past two days have been sad, daydreaming puts you in a circle where it's hard to get out of. i wished my dreams wouldn't be that clear. the symbolism in my dreams is already so obvious that i am not sure how to deal with it. every other week i'm in that tunnel of memories, hopes and the final fall into reality. if i wouldn´t know i am not the only one feeling that way, it would be easier. must get out of it.

today will most likely be better since it'll be stressful and challenging again.

Resuscitate
In my sleep
Awake to see
You are never here

But the losing yields
Another year
Facing hopes and fears

I wish
I could believe
There was more
Hopes suffocating
You've kissed my life

And the planes and trains
Are to blame
For tempting us
To refrain
And to cut the chord
Dis every word
Of the truths absurd

I wish
I could believe
There was more
Hopes suffocating
You've kissed my life

...hopes suffocating
...hopes suffocating
...hopes suffocating
And you've kissed my life

MUSE

so you were banished and you wonder why you're so hypersensitive

2004-08-22T11:16:36Z

how can you just throw words around like grieve and heal and mourn
i feel fine we may not have been born as awake as you were
it was much harder in those days we had paper routes uphill both ways
we went from school to a job to a wife to instant parenthood

i wished things would be easier. i wished i could shut my mouth from time to time, i wished i wouldn't try to change him.

the art of conversation with yourself

2004-08-21T20:59:41Z

welcome to:
no amount of stoned makes you feel ok
welcome to:
this year's alone - brought to you by christmas day
welcome to:
the darkness into which prayin people pray

it's quiet here except for this song
now that everybody's gone
but hey
least you don't have to play along today

welcome to:
something like elation when you first open your eyes
just cuz it means
that you musta finally got to sleep last night
welcome to:
the precipice between groundlessness and flight

it's quiet here except for this song
now that everybody's gone
but hey
least you don't have to play along today

besides which
welcome to:
taking the good stuff down off of the shelf
and welcome to:
the art of conversation with yourself
welcome to:
humming an unbroken tune
all day long
yes it's quiet here
but hey
least you don't have to play along today

my reflection didn't recognize me today

2004-08-19T08:00:08Z

yesterday i found no curses here, NOE VENABLE in my mail box.

that girl is awesome. very fragile voice, wonderful lyrics and already on my top 5 list ;) amazing album. must get her others, too. "paint mine blue" and "the man with the desease" are my fav.s so far but i already love each song. so happy having discovered her. it's a shame that she isn't known here.

main drag, dishrag, highway diner

steam coming up like the underground breathe and grown

i asked "what's down there, spitting up air?"

the locals here act like they know

but i have seen one too many caffeine faces

with a nutrasweet smile size me up and away

to believe what they say

and i've a reason to stay or else i'd go

reading my fortune in the coffee grounds

it all looked pretty brown

when the one leg limp man first appeared

he was the talk of the town

skin peeling, open hands

steam engline breathing, eyes like a bathtub drain

i saw the signs go up "no vacancies"

he was watching through the rain

i been told i am a bad woman `cause i don´t waste no time

but he's looking at the dime-shine checker floor

like it's too steep to climb

and i always forget to say good-bye

and i never say please

but i won't forget his name it is

the Man With the Desease

and maybe our ears get deeper and deeper

'til a "you ain't worth my boot" won't ever land

and maybe i touch his ice to notice the heat of my own hand

and maybe i been waiting

for someone who is sick like you

and maybe it's catching, and i will get it too

so shadows, won't you take my hands

and lead me through your door and up your stairs

where i will hear his steady whispering and he can hear my prayers

he calls me "katie", must be some girl he knew

keeps saying "go on home, katie" which he knows i'll never do

i still have dreams of places where maybe i come from

a hundred different faces, how can i choose one?

maybe it´s the steam here makes it hard to tell what's true

but if i remember anything i will remember you

if i remember anything, i will remember you

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-08-13T13:50:00

2004-08-13T11:56:40Z

uhm...another coincidence?!

who is who? ;)

;);)

Fahrenheit 9/11

2004-08-13T06:50:10Z

Last night I watched Fahrenheit 9/11 and I must say that Michael Moore did a fantastic though sad job once again. Of course it is a manipulative movie, he wanted it that way, his aim was that Bush won't be elected again. Besides that the facts speak for themselves and they tell a sad story, not a surprising one but a sad one.
Documentaries like these show specificly how helpless people are no matter what state they live in. The pattern is the same though sometimes not that obvious.
To me, the most tragic thing about it is not Bush and all his connections firsthand but the average guy who still does not understand what war means. Pictures like that young soldier with his cd in the armour plate killing to the tones of "burn motherfucker burn", a family who supports that their children should join the army, people who aren't able to see real suffering anymore although it's right in front of them. THAT is where the true problem lies in.
Of course it is making everybody speechless how it is possible to live such a huge lie like Bush and his staff did. But this doesn't really surprise me anymore. Also I wasn't surprised about the motives about all the terror-warnings because that's exactly what I was thinking by myself when we heard about those warnings all the time. Of course that is how it worked, of course they wanted their "puppets" to be afraid constantly. That's how it always was. People are hand puppets because most of them don't think by themselves anymore. A war wouldn't work without the people.
Young boys who let themselves be persuaded for living their dream by being a killer-mashine. THAT thought is what scares me and what even more scares me is that THIS ignorance will never stop.

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-08-12T17:46:00

2004-08-12T15:48:04Z

don't find the energy to do anything today plus it is too hot outside. haven't had such a day for a long time now. it doesn't feel good.

going to watch "fahrenheit 9/11" tonight.

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-08-11T11:12:00

2004-08-11T09:12:28Z

some BjÖrK - wallpapers I have made:

http://members.lycos.co.uk/faerietwinkle/hpbimg/bjork%20wall%203%20copy.jpg

http://members.lycos.co.uk/faerietwinkle/hpbimg/bjork%20wall%202%20copy.jpg

http://members.lycos.co.uk/faerietwinkle/hpbimg/wall%20bjork%20copy.jpg

http://members.lycos.co.uk/faerietwinkle/hpbimg/bjork%20wall%204%20copy.jpg

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-08-10T22:53:00

2004-08-10T20:54:59Z

had an exhausting day .... though i am tired i am happy for challenges like these.

just created a new polly jean harvey - wallpaper.

http://members.lycos.co.uk/faerietwinkle/hpbimg/pj%20wall%20copy.jpg1.jpg

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-08-10T09:42:00

2004-08-10T07:44:28Z

1. Alanis / Tori
2. PJ Harvey
3. Ani DiFranco
...

never thought PJ would enter number 2 one day. I am addicted to her for months now. Yesterday I found a brilliant download-site http://room509.net/aplaceofhome/wired/bootography/aural/index.html with current live-recordings and interviews. She seems to be a very nice woman and I love how she talks. :) The live-songs are awesome. Esp. the ones from Uh Huh Her - my fav. album at the moment. I even more appreciate it after some interviews I have heard. "Cat On The Wall" is one of my fav.s right now :)

heard our song on the radio
It wasn't long before I think of you
Can't get the sound outta my head
Don't look now, it's coming round again

I saved your voice from the telephone
I play it back on the message machine
It really sounds like you're having fun
I'm going out into the midday sun

Come night, I'm gonna step outside
Take a walk, I'm gonna clear my mind
The radio, still playing our song
You got me jumping like a cat on the wall

Turn up the radio

They play the radio in my dreams
Takes me back to when I was 17
Dancing in circles on the kitchen floor
I'll play this song 'til I can't take anymore

I can relate to it so much esp. since my life always went hand in hand with certain songs and some songs just still let me freeze when I hear them acidentelly on the radio or somewhere else.

I love how she sings, her expression. There's a lot of emotion but also a lot of strength.

i believe in peace, BITCH!!!!

2004-08-08T18:32:37Z

it is so easy to hide behind the screen having such a conversation. i hate it nevertheless. i don´t know why i just can´t let go. she has so much "don´t's" in her life, so much hate against most of us, against me. so why? so happy it is summer now, so happy i won't have to see her for a lil time.

need a great life-version of The Waitress now. ;) The one from the Past The Mission-single is a good choice! ;) No, Plugged in Toronto is an better verson to deal with my disgust ;)

Hey Pippi

2004-08-07T07:36:29Z

HELP!

Does anyone know a good site with pictures of Pippi Longstocking?
I want to get a shirt printed but couldn't find a site with big photos yet (pictures from the old series preferred!).

Thanks in advance!!

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-08-01T23:54:00

2004-08-01T22:50:39Z

Yesterday I saw Kate Bush in a video for the very 1st time (Babooshka) and I was sort of amused and irritated at the same time because she reminded me very intensly of Tori. (Or the other way around ;-). Her hand movements, her face expression....I don't think Tori copied her on purpose, obviously they are that similar?!

Just for fun:

Kate:

Tori:

Kate:

Tori:

Kate:

Tori:

LOL

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-07-30T08:33:00

2004-07-30T07:05:19Z

you and me we're cut from the same cloth
it seems to some we famously get along
but you and me are strangers to each other
cuz you and me:competitive to the bone

such tragedy to trample on each other with how much we've endured
with the state this land is in

you and me feel joined by only gender
we are not all for one and one for all

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in

you and me estranged from the mother
you and me have felt impotent in our skin
you and me have taken it out on each other
you and me disloyal to the feminine

such a pity to disavow each other with how far we've come
with how strong we've been

you and me are on this pendulum together
you and me with scarcity still fueling

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in

we may not have priorities same
we may not even like each other
we may not be hugely anti-men
but such a cost to dishonor a sister

you and me have made it harder for the other
we forget how hard separatism has been
you and me we can help change their minds together
you and me in alignment until the end

sister blister we fight to please the brothers
we think their acceptance is how we win
they're happy we're climbing over each other
to beg the club of boys to let us in

yesterday i when i was walking somewhere Sister Blister suddenly appeared in my head and it's been the first time i identified with it. what is it that girls pretend to care but want to be the better at the same time? i guess there are pieces in everyone of us acting that way. too many struggles have been results of that matter, caring but trying not to care too much in case it would be on the cost of oneself. i am sure most of it isn't concious for us but it happens. even best friends have been victims of it. most of all best friends who i´ve been in regular contact with. how many talks about that matter.

then there´s this feeling of belonging to girls although there´s nothing else in common than the gender. how many girls i hated in my life. such an illusion to think that gender gets you closer in some way.

what is it that makes us act that way? struggling against female friends to get the happiness we are longing for. why are we afraid of it? because we don't want to miss any priority we have in their lives. competetive to the bone. how true. fighting against their happiness but pretending to care for it. i´ve felt it on my own skin more than once. fear of staying 2nd place. fear of bliss for the other one. it comes so far that my longest friend even is concious about it but doesn't change it ...because we can't? are we supposed to struggle against each other forever?

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-07-29T21:01:00

2004-07-29T19:36:40Z

a lil something that found its way out of me, inspired by a meeting i had today:

fragile as a butterfly you smile at me

trying to be as brave as you can

a beautiful swan bleeding

his shadow following you

constantly like a freckle coming out

every step you take you struggle

memories guiding you unwillingly

i wished you'd feel my grasp

my desire to crush the hurt

my sudden urg to comfort you

for the first time in my life

your brave smile next to the couple

it could`ve been mine

your pretty eyes full of trouble

i wished i could make them mine

oh little sister, i hope you didn't feel that way
oh little sister, i'm glad you came, and i said
oh little sister, i hoped you wouldn't feel that way
oh little sister, oh again, and i said
oh little sister, i hope you didn't feel that way
oh little sister, i'm still glad you came, i said
oh little sister, i wish you didn't feel that way, and
oh little sister, said, i'd do the same, do the same
oh little sister, i hoped you wouldn't feel that way
oh, i said, i wish
(tori amos)

if i ever wanted a younger sister, it would've been you.

~ listen instead of just talk ~

2004-07-28T11:26:18Z

had a very peaceful day so far, just came home. so good having your own rythmn...i need that before the stress starts again.

walked through the streets and visited virgin megastore - my end ;) >> bought 3 singles ...

out is through - alanis

the closest thing to crazy - katie melua

pj harvey - you come through (part 2)

all 3 singles are totally worth the money. i'm most surprised about myself that i bought katie melua´s single - there's something about her. "the closest thing to crazy" is simply beautiful and gives me goosebumps. talented young lady. there's so much emotion in her voice, the way she sings the song ...

How can I think I'm standing strong,
Yet feel the air beneath my feet?
How can happiness feel so wrong?
How can misery feel so sweet?
How can you let me watch you sleep,
Then break my dreams the way you do?
How can I have got in so deep?
Why did I fall in love with you?

[CHORUS:]
This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been
Feeling twenty-two, acting seventeen,
This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known,
I was never crazy on my own...
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you.

How can you make me fall apart
Then break my fall with loving lies?
It's so easy to break a heart;
It's so easy to close your eyes.
How can you treat me like a child
Yet like a child I yearn for you?
How can anyone feel so wild?
How can anyone feel so blue?

"you come through" comes with the amazing b-side "stone" >> one of polly`s most intense songs so far in my opinion. very simple but amazing. had to listen to it 3 times in a row ;).

i am so happy to be able to enjoy the days without too much stress, having time to read and most of all to breathe freely. enjoying music, meeting people without stress. getting rid of the demons that come through when there's too much to do. being creative and smiling :)

I walk on sand

2004-07-27T22:24:34Z

today we got digital television. finally i'm able to see VH-1 Classic & VH-1 Europe, Onyx and the British MTV. finally some good music besides all that crap at the German music TV-channels.

made some alanis-wallpapers during the breaks of the papers i had to write for uni.

http://members.lycos.co.uk/faerietwinkle/hpbimg/alanis%20wallpaper.jpgnew.jpg

http://members.lycos.co.uk/faerietwinkle/hpbimg/alanis%20wallpaper%204%20copy.jpg

http://members.lycos.co.uk/faerietwinkle/hpbimg/alanis%20wallpaper%202.jpg

http://members.lycos.co.uk/faerietwinkle/hpbimg/alanis%20wallpaper3.jpg

good night everyone :)

my new desktop

2004-07-27T11:52:24Z

proud i am ;) just made my 2nd wallpaper - http://members.lycos.co.uk/faerietwinkle/hpbimg/pj%20wallpaper%20copy.jpg

You've got to see my bottle full of charm

2004-07-26T21:38:27Z

okay, so just half an hour ago i shook hands with "DRY" by PJ Harvey again after years. I haven't listend to that album for such a long time and actually I never gave it a chance to show its beauty.

needed a new layout, polly-related :)

fairy_twinkle @ 2004-07-26T09:26:00

2004-07-26T07:28:02Z

HELP! does anybody know where I can download PJ Harvey- b-sides? I do have a bootleg called "B-Sides & Demos" but there are supposed to be more songs available.

Contact me if you know any site where I could download them. :)